Relationship: Impact Of Self Worth On Relationships - Aidy Thomas

For anyone seeking to enter into an intimate relationship that would last for a significant part of their life, the first step should be to ask what type of person you are or would be to your mate, what you have to offer in the union and how to succeed despite odds.

An adult ready to love and be loved should not forget that they have travelled from a long distance of their childhood to where they are today as the urge to explore love presses hard. It is really this expedition through life and the experiences gathered that create, shape and determine a person’s attitude, personality and general concept of life.

People have different upbringing and the values passed on to them from where they were raised are going to form to a great extent the basic foundation of life. The early years at home, school and immediate society play a formidable role in a person’s formation, belief system, inspiration and probably aspiration.

As a matter of nature, values are consciously or unconsciously passed down generational line to maintain the culture of people.

Self concept therefore evolves based on who you think you are, past experiences, memories, disposition and what you feel about yourself. This is why you can end up with either a positive or negative impression of yourself.

People with negative self image can be very difficult to love as they have no confidence in their ability to genuinely attract love. This could have occurred due to constant criticism from parents, siblings or early years’ friends who saw nothing good in them. The memories of those negative responses, words and derogatory comments tend to form part of development and graduate to becoming a personality not too easy to erase.

We can now see why they tend to disbelieve every compliment given but rather feel you are either lying or trying to be nice – how do you convince them of your love/care when they won’t even trust you in the first place? Hearing something nice is first of all a shock as they’ve conditioned their mind to the negative and in most pathetic cases make no further effort to improve or change for the better.

According to Abraham Lincoln, “It is difficult to make a man miserable while he feels worthy of himself and claims kindred to the great God who made him”. Everyday life will continue to present situations and people who tend to make you feel less.

The more you try to shake off the dust and continue your journey, the more sophisticated attempt would be employed. You then find yourself asking if life itself was designed for trouble and sorrow or was man not meant to have peace on earth?

The favour you owe yourself therefore centres on your decision to move ahead in spite of unfavourable circumstances. You may not want to accept that this battle of the mind is bugging you dead but the people who spend time with you can tell how embattled you are because it shows through your attitude, responses, decisions and approach to issues.

A person whose self worth is low will be a problem in relationship; his/her partner would have a lot of explanation to make about almost everything or everyone.

How to know if your spouse has issues with self worth……

Suspicion: When you see a person who suspects the partner unnecessarily, get to know some more about them and you’ll discover there is a deep sense of insecurity looming in the relationship. The key player of the ‘suspicion game’ feels he/she is not good enough and as such, the other will be seeking solace in any available arm whenever or where ever possible.

Sad enough, there is an extent to which you can police an adult –if you go with them to the shopping mall will you be allowed to enter a work place where you are not an employee and spend the whole day checking on who he/she talks to or smiles at? This indeed is a draining game and can destroy relationships faster than words could say.

Moaning: Hanging out with someone who is different from you is enough trouble left alone sticking to a carping spouse who sees nothing but dissatisfaction in everything life gives. They complain about the sun, rain, heat and cold. Their expectation of people is totally out of this world and you wonder how they can ever be able to see the beauty that nature lavishes on its creatures. Life to them is not really worth the trouble; things appear to be better with other people than them, everyone else has a wonderful spouse except them, money flows easily elsewhere but their pocket remains dry. The complain keeps pouring.

Appearance: A person’s appearance speaks volume of his state of mind, attitude, taste and appreciation of life. People with low self esteem never seem to get the balance of looks right. They find themselves in either extreme of over-dressing to cover up for inadequacies or they are not bothered at all about their looks.

This is not a case of a nursing mother who forgets to take proper care of her looks after delivery or a handy man walking into a social gathering with his work clothes still dangling. It is more than that; it is a revelation of what transpires inside of a person. The way you appreciate your self will define the care you offer it and if you don’t feel you’re worth much, little or no attention will be given too.

Use of words: Mouth they say is the door to a man’s heart. If you spend a little time talking with someone who is crumbling under the yolk of low self worth, the words they speak give them out so easily.

It’s also common place to find that people with this terrible condition find a lot of pleasure in talking down others. They forget that bringing down other people cannot raise you up in any way- instead; you deteriorate the more as smart people would do anything possible to avoid your poisonous company.

Criticism: When you are heavily criticised, there is a possibility that your spouse is playing a fast one on you; thinking their constant venom will force you to feel inferior and incompetent. There is a place for constructive criticism though so make sure you truly weigh and understand the point your loved one is trying to make and try to be objective as this may help you learn vital lessons.

To be continued……….Do have a great weekend

Source: PM News NG