Relationship: Today’s Pressure - Aidy Thomas

 

The process of socialisation has made man to live by copying others. This on its own is not a problem because coming to a place (world) where you haven’t been before, it is only safe to follow the steps of those who know the terrain. People with rich story/history telling culture do their best to pass down values to the next generation using simple stories that reflect how their forefathers lived and what they actually believed.
Handing down values and belief systems has made different people unique, dynamic and peculiar- it’s a lot easier to tell even by dressing, gestures, looks or behaviour where someone comes from or would have lived for a long time to become part of that system. Apart from innate capabilities, learning and borrowing values from predecessors has a way of giving man a sense of belonging.

On the other hand, man has also grown to compete, compare and conspire to outdo one another in every sphere of life. Sometimes, this occurs as secret battle where the other parties are totally ignorant of the fight by the other to be rated higher. People engage in all sorts of things including sycophancy just to be in good books.

This crazy drive for recognition is the motivation for ‘peer pressure’ where mates want to do things simply because their contemporaries are doing them and not out of necessity. Fine, the common one people easily point accusing fingers on is the obvious peer pressure burning hard in teenagers. They have become the victims of societal influence where parents, friends and even enemies would look and condemn with ease.
As it were, it is true- teenagers live in their own world and seem to take very little notice of other people who do not belong to their class. Life for them is everything to do with their interest. They tend to want whatever they want ‘NOW’ and have no time for ‘WAIT’ or patience at all. If they are unable to wear the things their friends are wearing or go where they go, they feel out of ‘cool’.

The truth really is that everyone, (not only poor teenagers) is susceptible to ‘Peer pressure’. Some people buy a certain car simply because that is what their friends are driving at the time. Clothes and shoes is common ground for most women who feel looks define status.

We settle issues between couples frequently where the man is accused of not ‘living up to expectations’. Bethel once complained that her husband did not buy her Christmas clothes. When I listened to her cry, I asked if it was part of their family tradition to get new clothes at Christmas and she said no- “he never bothers to”.

It was particularly painful this time as she had expectations because of the party coming up in her place of work. She just needed to look nice in something nobody has seen on her before. I suggested she should wear whatever she loved in her collection and then reach for her winter coat. Common sense, mere common sense solved that problem- if you are having a party in a very cold season and in a cold environment, why kill yourself over new clothes you may not even have the opportunity to show off? I didn’t support her hubby not buying her clothes; I only helped her to handle the situation maturely and she came out happy and fulfilled at the end of the day.

Sometimes people kill themselves over things that are not really important. If you can get around it, why stress yourself?  Desiring to be like others and going out of your way to accomplish it can be a deadly sting on your life. If you can afford a particular level of life; go ahead and have fun but if you are struggling to meet up with others think twice and ask yourself sincerely if it’s really worth the headache.

One cannot recount the problems ‘pressure’ has brought upon many relationships.  Husbands have sent their beloved wives away and wives have abandoned their responsibilities because they allow feelings to control their decisions. Being swept away by the pressure of life is not something one would naturally plan for but accepting life as it unfolds could help you deal better with challenges.

Where trouble starts most times is when folks compare notes and plunge into self pity or inferiority complex. Rosa narrated her own experience. “Linda and I have been friends for as long as I can remember. When we were in college, most people thought we were sisters; to some, we bothered to answer ‘no’ while we left others believing what they would.

Marriage for us happened the same year with only two months apart. From then, we compared notes on so many issues including very personal ones too. It was good to see both families grow together though differently- Linda’s husband had a better job than mine and their standard of living was definitely higher too. We were not exactly what someone could call poor but we knew things could be better. When Linda’s husband got a second car and a very good one at that, I celebrated with her but moaned behind at my husband for not being able to match my mate. In a short time, I noticed our relationship was getting weaker by the day and spending time with my husband was no longer a priority.

What went through my mind was why I was not able to catch a loaded guy who could spoil me with good things too. I tried my best not to make my jealousy show up in my relationship with Linda but I knew where my thought wondered to when I was alone. Great relieve came when my friend’s husband got a new job and moved to another city where we could only see each with a ticket of two and a half hours flight. It was when they moved I realised all the things I was doing to my husband was simply because I expected more of him in order to measure up with a friend- it was not necessary; was it?”

This kind of pressure shows up in relationships in diverse ways; sometimes, you just kill yourself for nothing: what you are thinking about the other person might be completely false. Some people delight in giving distorted information to mislead others. They tell you how wonderful their relationship is just to set you up against your spouse. They are so quick to say how lucky they are to be with their partners. If you cannot say same about yours, it’s a matter of time before you’ll start feeling out of place. It takes a really mature and focused mind to understand that we are all different and should be ready to celebrate our differences.

Men have gone stealing because they want to measure up with pals. People do all kinds of things just to be accepted or respected in today’s society.  The decisions you take condition the type and quality of life you lead so why put yourself under unnecessary pressure?
…to be continued

Source: PM News