Relationship: Watch Your Friends - Aidy Thomas

You need me, I need you is a life’s philosophy no one can dispute. Man was never created to be an Island: dependence and mutual existence has been a cord holding life and world together.

Nations with nations, continents with others, the need to tap and learn from each other has grown the world to a global village. Opening doors for people of other races to live in your domain means you value what they’ve got and are ready to share yours with them too.

A person who claims to be friends only with self will either be extremely poor or too frustrated to stay alive  —we need each other. People make you great; others make you feel great, even the high and mighty will not be so if there were no subordinates to stoke their ego. If there were no people to admire, jealous, celebrate and notice your progress, the motivation to achieve would be gone.

Now, with this level of desire and need for someone to call a friend, you need to be extremely careful to choose who to share your precious life with. Many relationships have been made and marred by the influence of friends. The fact that we cannot see the heart nor know the thoughts of others make even the very adventure of friendship a difficult one. Should you take people by their words? Should you trust your instinct of ‘face value’ when choosing friends? Does kindness have a role to play? Does giving and receiving gifts mean things are looking up for ties? Direct, open approach for friendship may look vulnerable but is it worth considering that genuine people can also come asking for our hands in friendship.

However, whenever or whatever method friendship commences, one has to be clear on certain issues.

1. Not all who come as friends are really friends: Don’t be deceived by how people present themselves as nice and friendly folks to be trusted and loved. It’s a deep shame to know that some only come close to you so they can know more about you and then use the information to deal with you. I’ve had a bitter experience before with colleagues who are the same race with me in a foreign land.

Naturally, meeting and working with someone who shares the same national with you gives a sigh of relief, or so I thought. The questions posted to me as we first met were mistaken to be genuine concern of getting to know a ‘sister’ at work place and I answered them but with a lot of reservations because I’m a private person and that consciousness sticks. Sooner than I could imagine, my matter was on the office floor and everyone knew where I was coming from career wise and every other thing I told her including what I never said or thought of saying- she lied about me heavily. Is there any point to say I was disappointed? I learnt a lesson I can’t share in this short article and today I’m wiser, more careful, much more discrete, and highly diplomatic in my expressions especially when your intentions are still on my scale. I never got back to fight her but handled it with maturity and the result was amazing.

2. Jealousy can bring some people closer to you: This is so dangerous. To start with, the motivation for friendship is wrong and it’s most times hidden; you on the receiving end might be totally unaware of the games played on you. With clear mind and conscience, you reveal your secrets and invite a devourer to dine with you, and what do you expect? You’ll soon be the prey.

They could either be jealous that you are where you are and desire to rub shoulders with you or they might want to gain access so your fall will be quick and sure. In an age where social networking is taking over sharing images, you should be careful who takes pictures with you and for what reasons. Desperate people post pictures of their dream relationships within seconds of having them. They are actually making statements with those posts and would keep the archives till most needed.

Now, making a fortune from sexual blackmail is on the rise. How would you ever know that an arm thrown around someone while taking pictures could be used against you in the court of law? Computer technique of mixing and matching pictures has even made the matter worse.  You can be made to appear in pictures at occasions you never attended.

3. Friendship out of pity could be deadly: Most times you get carried away when people come up with cock and bull stories of how they were maltreated and bullied by other people. Your instinct tells you “you can play a big sister/brother to this wounded soul”. Before long, you find yourself throwing in almost all you’ve got to make them happy and ‘heal’ quickly without knowing you are preparing yourself to be their next victim.

The truth therefore is that it’s not really others who hurt them but they who cause problems for all. There is nothing wrong with helping people in trouble but don’t be too quick to give them your heart and emotions. When Sofia took the decision to relocate a young single mother who had stories of woes that touched the heart, she thought it was a good decision but when the person she was helping turned against her, she never lived to tell the full stories —only close friends knew her regrets.

4. Question friendships that push too hard: I prefer friendships that grow gradually as we learn more about each other and gradually build trust to strengthen the course. People with ulterior motive can be patient when following up on their catch but most times they are too much in a hurry to achieve their goal. Fear that goes with evil makes them feel their prey might either escape, be delivered by knowledge or be taken over by others who are smarter than them so they gather every arsenal at their disposition to ensure quick success.

5. People are attracted to what you are or who you are: Friends in need they say are ‘friends indeed’. It’s difficult for people who come around you for selfish reasons to there for you at all times. If they cannot get what they thought you could offer, things begin to fall apart and friends finally turn foes. You become an object of ridicule, gossip, blackmail, insult and attack. It’s a lot easier for friends who hang out with you for who you are to appreciate and accommodate you more. Moving with you is a privilege not a benevolent attraction with manipulations and great demand.

Culled from PM News NG